An Interview With Colleen Coover

   It's evening (at least technically speaking) and for the last few hours, or weeks, I am not sure - I have been confined in a solid room that has no doors and widows. There's a bed, and a book shelf full of every volume of everything I've ever wanted to read: I have all 13 Volumes of 100 Bullets, all 7 volumes of The Dark Tower Series, all 15 Volumes of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series (38, if you count all the side stories) and so on and so forth. There's also an end table that seems to have warm food on it whenever I'm hungry. There's no bathroom but that's not too bad. For some reason regardless of how much I've eaten I have not had to partake of a piss or a shit.

I say that it's evening because I have decided that whenever I wake up it's morning and whenever I start to feel tired, it's evening. With no window to see the sun and now watch to tell time I've lost all reckoning. The last time I had contact with a human voice was when I first woke up here. I walk over to the intercom mounted on the wall and press the green button like I do when I wake up each night. "Hey mutha fucka mutha fucka mutha mutha mutha fuck fuck. Is anyone going to tell me what the fuck is going on tonight? Well fuck you then."

   Walking over to the shelf I reach for the sixth book in Harry Potter series. Now that I've finished the Wheel of Time and Lucifer archives I figure I might as well… "Naaaw fuck it" I say to no one in particular. I decide that it's high time to stop wasting my time on their bullshit. As I sit down I notice a tray of food that wasn't there when I got up less than a minute ago. It's got a bluish bread like substance, a dark purple slab of meat looking stuff something a shade of a color I've never seen before that looks like hash browns, and a glass of fluid that seems to change color at random intervals. I ignore it and lay back down as I start thinking.

Some indeterminate amount of time later......

   I have refused to eat for 3 'nights' now. My stomach is rumbling and I feel cranky. I've continued drinking the liquid that appears. I Might as well stay hydrated while I wait them out. Somewhere beyond the walls of this room I can feel them getting angry and frustrated at me. I'm not dancing to their tune and they aren't happy about it.

   Before I got sand bagged and trapped in this room I had somehow developed or tapped into some kind of powers. I have my suspicions about how that came about, but they aren't important right now. Instead I've decided to explore what's happened. For the first couple of nights nothing has been happening. At some point though I started getting results, in the last two nights (it's now five nights since I started my hunger strike) I have been able to make my food float in the air and levitate almost a foot off the ground. Five more nights pass by and I am able to make my food do aerial flight routines and I can now levitate over 2 feet off the ground.

   The distance from the ground is just a guess I should point out. I've never had a head for figures. The point however is that I am pissing off my captors. Not only am I refusing to eat, but I'm also experimenting with my unique abilities which seem to have recently pissed them off a bit. It's another two nights later when I awaken and find that I'm not alone in the room.

   "Good evening Mr. Basore or morning as the case may be" says a man that I have come to refer to as Agent Orange. His face has an unreadable gaze that is in no way impacted by his shades.

   "Hi there Agent Orange, I see that my little hunger strike has finally gotten your attention." I smirk back.

   He raises an eyebrow "You've gotten our attention with your what now?"

   "You know my hunger strike that started seven days ago. When I stopped reading your books and stopped eating your food."

   "Oh you did? Well that's some admirable little protesting there. I don't know if it got anyone's attention, but if I did I wasn't informed."

   Now that I'm feeling like a total dork I try to get some of my own back and I smart off "well I'm sure it's ruffled some feathers that I've been experimenting with these wacky mental powers I seem to have now."

   Agent Orange starts laughing his ass off. After several minutes of high pitched but not altogether irritating laughter he finally calms down. "Mr. Basore we're actually quite happy that you're experimenting with and expanding your abilities. They'll make you a lot more useful to us." He lights up a cigarette and offers me one. As I take my first drag I realize that it's been at least a couple of weeks since my last cigarette and I've not had any cravings. Before I can comment on this Agent Orange exhales and gets down to business.

   "Okay Greg you want some answers and here they come. First of all the confusion that's been going on between you and our organization has been pinned down. Your statements of having never worked for us before earlier this year or having received any training are correct. The problem stems from the fact that we've had a different Greg Basore working for us."

   I exhale my own puff of smoke. "So you're telling me that some other guy who by coincidence has the same first and last name has been working for you and you've only now figured out that I aint him?" Agent O shakes his head. I wait for him to say more and he seems to be waiting for me to say more. "Then what's the deal? Do I have a clone running around or a doppelganger or has some alternate reality version of me been doing work for you?"

   "Exactly Mr. Basore, we have offices in many different dimensions and realities. However it seems that one of your counterparts snuck into this reality and started working for us. He was crafty enough that he had us convinced that he was this realities version of you. In December of 2001 he put in a request for a one years vacation. After he failed to check in at the proper time we gave him a three month grace period. When he didn't show up even then we sent some agents to your home and had them give you a new assignment."

   "Well this certainly accounts for quite a lot of things. So what's the situation now?" After finishing my cigarette I motion for another.

   Handing me his pack Agent Orange continues "Well that is a bit of a problem. For starters the abilities you've acquired have made you a greater asset to us. More importantly you already know too much for us to kill you anyway."

   I pause in the act of lighting another cigarette "Hold up, I need you to run that by me again."

   "You know too much about too many things. Therefore we don't have the option of killing you anymore."

   "If I know too much wouldn't it make more sense to kill me?"

   "Death is not an end Mr. Basore. It's only a transference of location and state of being. If we killed you right now, you'd most likely end up somewhere beyond our control and capable of giving information to those we'd rather see remain in ignorance. Moving on it's in our best interest to have you continue working for us. Now before we can discuss that you'll want me to tell you who we are and why we need you so here goes."

   "I represent the big global conspiracy that most people consider to be a fantasy embraced by lunatics. In truth global conspiracy is an inaccurate term because it fails to encompass our total scope. We're a multiversal organization that has influence and presence in nearly all realms of existence and possibility. We are the people that pull the string of the hands that move the world. We are all about control, of everything. If you work for us you will be helping us maintain and expand our control.

   "Accepting us means that you will be well rewarded for your service. If you refuse you will spend the rest of your life here in this room. If you accept our offer you will no doubt do everything you can to escape our control only to find out that it is ultimately impossible. If you refuse our offer you'll have the rest of a very long life with very little to do other than wonder what we're doing to your loved ones in retaliation." Taking back his pack of smokes Agent O lights up another cigarette.

   I take another puff and blow out some smoke rings as I gather my thoughts. "Well you lay down a compelling scenario Agent Orange. Now before I begin to consider this offer there's still the matter of what you need me to do and why you need me to do it."

   Agent O blows some rings of his own and smiles. "I like people that go straight to the heart of the matter. Your primary function will be the gathering of information. Here's how it works. Creatively inclined people are one of the greatest resources in all existence. A simple thought that may mean nothing to them could hold the key to much greater things. You being a creative person are emotionally and psychologically in tune with people we need information from. You have a natural talent for asking the right kinds of questions and taking conversations down the right path to get that info. This is something that you've done excellently up to now (with one glaring exception) because you haven't even been aware that you're looking for anything in particular."

   "For example your recent meeting with David Hahn revealed a lot of things to us. We now know where the yellow trench coat that Trudy Honeyvan wears comes from for instance. Also we know that Peter Gross is frustrated because he can't add penises to characters in Lucifer, or we now know why Hard Artist doesn't draw many Kevin Lee strips for Sexy Losers. None of this may seem very important, but it all far reaching impact and consequence. If you decide to continue with us you'll be asking questions of more and more creative types."

   I put my cigarette out in an ashtray that seems to have appeared since we started talking. "So that'd be my primary duty. What would my secondary duty be?"

   "I'm not aloud to go into that until my superiors are ready to offer you further duties. For the now all you'd be expected to do is continue gathering information. With the recent developments that have taken place however my superiors are losing confidence in your abilities. They're also worried that hearing what I've just told you will negatively affect your usefulness in gathering info. Now that you know that any inconsequential seeming answer could be important they don't believe that you'll be able to go about your duty as well as you have in the past. Therefore it's time for a test."

   I put my hand up in a kind of blocking gesture "Hey I haven't agreed to anything yet."

   Agent O nods. "That's why were sending you on an assignment where you'll know a bit more about what you're doing. In a few moments you will be in another place and time. While there you will have the chance to interview or interrogate a person we need info from. By doing this you will be helping our organization continue to maintain and expand our control of everything. Succeed or fail you will appear back in this room when the proper time has passed. Your assignment begins now." With that he snaps his fingers and everything goes black.

Somewhere and Somewhen else.....

   My eyes open and I'm in bed. This should normally seem comforting, but the fact that I'm in a bed that's in a room in an apartment that I've not laid eyes on much less stepped inside of for over nine years is freaking me the fuck out. As I get up and start to rub the sleep out of my eyes and stretch and scratch myself I notice two things. The first is that I still have my facial hair. The second thing is that I have that awful feeling a person gets in his throat when they've been smoking too much.

   I head to the bathroom and take a piss while coughing up some lung butter. Looking in the mirror I look exactly as old as I do now. I look at my left arm and see my tattoos are still there. On my right arm a bowl burn that I didn't get until 1997. If I'm back in the place I think I am it can only be 94 at the latest. Suddenly there's some banging on the door. "Hurry up dipshit, other people gotta piss to ya know!" Recognizing the voice of my first stepdad who has been divorced from my mom since 95 I flush the toilet and open the door.

   After putting on my clothes I go into the kitchen and see my mother (who by this point I'd already started thinking of as Donna) and my brother Andy. Oddly enough even though I still look 24 Andy looks 16 again. We eat breakfast then Andy and I take off for Calapooia middle school. On the way there I start asking him some questions and find out some interesting things. It's 1994 again, I'm an 8th grader again and for some weird reason he doesn't find it strange that I'd taller than I should have been back then or that I have a goatee. According to Andy I had a massive growth spurt last summer when we were in Texas, which is also when I started growing serious facial fur. The tattoo and bowl burn he both attributes to stupid crap I did while hanging out with Rob Gaudy.

   Weirdest of all he seems unfazed by these questions. He explains that I gave him a letter back in September of 93 that was marked not to be read until January of this year (1994 that is). Andy claims that the letter explained everything he needs to know, even though he won't tell me what it said. Then we get on campus and I get the biggest surprise of all.

   I'm suddenly tackled to the ground in a surprise hug. Wrapping her arms around me is a girl I don't have time to see clearly before she starts kissing me. After she's done with that she lifts me up and I can see her clearly. It's Brandy something or other. I can't even recall her last name it's been so long since I saw her last. In the world I recall we were friendly acquaintances. She looks at me closely then says "Greg honey what's wrong?"

   Andy leans over and says "Brandy have you read the letter he gave you in September yet?" She nods and Andy says "Today is apparently the day he was talking about." Brandy nods and takes me by the arm.

   "So Greg what do you need to ask me?" This begins a conversation that will remain between the two of us. As first period begins we split up and go to class. It's only on the way to class that I have time to reflect on the fact that Agent Orange failed to mention who I was supposed to talk to.

   During lunch time I run into Andy who asks how my day's been going. "When I was asking you all those questions this morning why didn't you mention that I have a girlfriend?" I snap at him. Andy chuckles and responds that I didn't ask him if I had one or not. Then he takes off with his friends as I go wandering around campus.

   A few minutes later I hear a voice behind me say "Excuse me could you help me out please?" I turn around and instantly recognize the person that I'm talking to.

   "Hey wow, aren't you Colleen Coover?"

   She smiles "That's right I'm new here and it's my first day. Could you help me find my next class?"

   "So am I right in assuming that you're the same Colleen Coover who illustrates Small Favors?"

   "Uh huh. I take it you've read it?"

   "Um hell yeah… but what's a professional comic writer from Iowa doing at a middle school in Oregon?"

   "Is that where this is? Hmm… I do have the strangest imagination don't I. Well no matter. Anyhow I'm dreaming this place right now. I'm actually at home in bed and you're just a figment of my imagination. Nice to meet you figment, but I must say that I don't why you're in my mind. Anyway since you seem to be my dream guide please show me the way."

   I look at her schedule and notice that she has the same class after lunch that I do. So we hang out talking outside while I smoke some cigarettes. After lunch I show her the way to class, which should seem weird since I haven't been at this school in almost a decade but can still recall the floor plan and where all the teachers are.

   Once in class we take a seat in the back and start passing notes. Here's a compilation of what those notes had to say.


 1. For the benefit of people that are unfamiliar with your work could you  give a run down of what comics you've done so far?

OK! My most major work to date is Small Favors. It's an all-girl porno comic book published by Eros Comix, the adult imprint of Fantagraphics Books. It's the story of two girls, Annie and Nibbil, who are in love, and they like to have sex with each other! Then they make friends with all these other girls, and they're all cute as the dickens, and they all like to have sex with each other, too! It's all just cute and happy fun! There are eight issues so far, the eighth issue just came out this December and is a fully painted color special! There's also a collection of the first four issues, with extras.

I've also done some short pieces for anthologies: True Porn, edited by Robyn Chapman and Kelli Nelson; What Right?, a benefit to help defend Canadian free speech; and Head from Eros Comix. Previous to my work on Small Favors, I've done short pieces for Shock Trauma and Attitude Lad, with my partner and boyfriend Paul Tobin.

 2. How did you break into the comics industry? Did it involve the use of  lock picks or retina scanners?

When I started dating my boyfriend Paul Tobin about ten years ago, he was writing and editing Attitude Lad, with art by Phil Hester and Vincent Stall (now known as King Mini). I did a couple of pin-up type pages for the second issue, and a few stories for the third.

To find a publisher for Small Favors, I did about 100 pages of work in advance, copied 'em up, and sent them in a packet to Kim Thompson at Fantagraphics. A few days later, I got an email with the subject line "WOW!" and a week after that, we had a contract!

 3. As an artist who does porno comics how often do you have fans trying to  hook up a date with you or get into your pants?:)

Not as often as you might think. I take my work pretty seriously, and I think that people pick up on that. Most of the fan response I get is very polite and positive, even grateful, often from women or guys who share it with their girlfriends/wives. I get the occasional inappropriate remark, but no more often as an artist than as an everyday person.

Unfortunately, the Pan-Asian Ladies' Spanking Appreciation League Of Pop Idols has yet to show up at my door. 

 4. What is the sexiest part of the human body to draw?

Titties!

 5. As a comic book artist how do you feel about the RIAA cracking down on  people that download MP3's?

I don't like unlicensed downloads. Somebody made that music or movie or comic or whatever, and if it's under copyright, the creator should decide how it's distributed and where, whether it's on their own or through a publishing company. That's how I feel about my comics; I can't imagine any artist not feeling that the decision to make their work available should be their own. I pay for my music; it's only fair.

6. What would you consider the best comic book that you've ever done? How  about the worst?

I think the best was the story "Costume Party," from Small Favors #6. I have fond memories of putting it together and the art came out really well. If you were to ask me the same question in a couple of weeks, I'd probably say the latest issue, #8, was the best. At the moment not enough time has passed since I finished working on it to be able to evaluate it fairly.

The worst work I've done was never published. Paul was writing a very cool spooky story for me; a graphic novel that I just wasn't ready for. It was too much of a challenge for my skills at the time and led to a lot of frustration. It ended up being no fun for either of us, so we set it aside. He still plans on writing the story, either as a novel or maybe as a future project with me, now that I've gotten better.

 7. Being that Small Favors has so much sex in it, do you find it hard to  brag about it to your family and friends, or are they cool with what you do?

My mom is just a little confused about the whole "me being bisexual" thing. I don't find it difficult to brag to friends at all, I think they might want me to SHUT UP about it every once in a while… 'Course, if they were the type to get all uptight about ladies having sex, I probably wouldn't be very friendly with them.

 8. It's been said that the pen is mightier than the sword. Where do you  think the paint brush fits into that equation?

The paintbrush is more dangerous than the pen. Images, symbols, and art go straight past all our language and cultural barriers and head straight for our primal understanding. That's why comics are so weirdly feared as a tool for corruption. That's why people get more uptight about an editorial cartoon than an essay on the same subject.

 9. What is your favorite sexual position to draw? Is that position more fun  to draw than it is to be a part of?

I like anything that involves a loss of balance and legs flung in the air. Funny!

Dude, if it's physically possible, it's always more fun to do it than to draw it! People who describe stuff as being "better than sex" are liars!

 10. Have you ever been visited by the queen of your conscience and punished  for any naughtiness?

I'm an angel (and a coward.) My Queen sits on her couch watching soaps, waiting for me to DO something naughty. I have a morbid fear of being in trouble.

 11. What other comics projects do you have on the horizon? Please tell me  that a second TPB of Small Favors is one of them?

I have talked to the publisher about collecting Small Favors #5-#7 sometime soon, like in the next year or so.

Right now I'm working on an comic for all ages called Banana Sunday, written by Paul Tobin. It's an all ages high school comic adventure with monkeys and romance and silly stuff like that. The main character is Kirby, a girl who has three talking monkeys who live with her. The four of them are about to start going to Forest Edge High School, and there's a big welcome event for them called Banana Sunday the day before classes start. There Kirby meets and befriends a girl called Nickels, who is very curious about the monkeys' ability to talk-a little too curious for Kirby's liking! There's also a photographer named Martin, a boy that both Kirby and Nickels like.

 12. Aside from comics do you have any other creative ventures going on at  the moment or do you have any plans to branch out into other fields of  entertainment?

I do illustration work on a semi-regular basis for the magazines Girlfriends and On Our Backs. I'd like to get more illustration work, maybe some book covers, and I'd also like to start doing some painting.

 13. What kind of music do you listen to (if any) when you're making comics?

I like Garage Punk and Country Punk, anything with a raw, unpolished sound and good, smart lyrics. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Andre Williams, Neko Case, Wesley Willis, April March, and a lot of "Various Artist" compilations from the labels Sympathy For The Record Industry and Bloodshot Records. I also like to mix it up with traditional Chinese music, early Bing Crosby,  J-Pop, and Latin Jazz.

I actually prefer to listen to Spoken Word stuff when I'm working. During the baseball season, I listened to as many Cubs games as I could. Now I'm downloading and streaming Old-Time Radio shows from a very good subscription site, radioclassics.com.

 14. What's the weirdest thing you could imagine trying to adapt into a comic  book?

I've been secretly daydreaming about the possibility of adapting my second-favorite Bollywood movie, Kaho Naa… Pyaar Hai. It's about a girl who falls in love with a poor boy her daddy disapproves of, then loses him, then meets another guy who looks just like him, only richer. There's more to it than that; the damn thing's three hours long. It's just a daydream; there's a lot of music in the plot, and music never translates well into comics. It's really just a ridiculous idea. I'm not serious about it.

 15. If someone were to start doing comics adaptations of the "Girls Gone  Wild" videos into comic books and wanted you to do the artwork would you  take the job?

One of the things I try to keep consistent in Small Favors is that all the girls are having FUN. Those videos should be titled, "Girls Gone Desperate In An Attempt To Feel Something Through A Haze Of Insecurity And Alcohol."

The commercials depress me, and I always change the channel when they come on.

 16. How often do you get a request from fans to draw them into an issue of  Small Favors, and would such a request from the guy interviewing you at this moment be likely to yield positive results:)

Greg's kind of a funny name for a girl…

A couple of guys have sort of expressed the wish to see themselves in Annie and Nibbil's cute little world, and who could blame 'em? But, you know, it's an all-girl comic, so that wouldn't be a wish I could fulfill for them. So far as I can recall, no ladies have made the request, so the decision yea or nay has never been an issue for me. The girls in Small Favors are all more-or-less avatars of my own psyche-it's all based on my own fantasies and foibles, though none of them are really meant to represent me, if you know what I mean.

 17. If you weren't working in the comics industry what do you think you'd be  doing instead.

Dying of boredom.

 18. What is the earliest comic book you can recall reading?

I've literally been reading comics since before I could understand the words in them. My grandmother gave my sister and me piles of stripped comics from the Five & Dime where she worked. ("Stripped" books are the unsold ones that have the covers torn off to be returned to the distributor for credit.)  My sister is seven years older than me, so by the time I can remember, we had a pretty hefty stack.

I liked the Harvey comics: Casper, Hotstuff, Wendy, and Richie Rich. My sister liked Marvel and DC horror comics. The first comic I can really remember reading was one of her horror comics. My mom had washed my hair, and stuck me under one of those salon-style hairdryers with this comic. There was a story in it about a little old lady who would let her black cat out at night, and it would turn into this horrible Shadow-monster that would envelop people and suck the life out of 'em. But a policeman or someone sees the creature and shoots it, and the wounded thing flies (it flies-like an airborn manta ray) back to the old lady's house, dies, and re-transforms, leaving the poor old woman to mourn the death of her kitty.

It doesn't sound very scary, now, but I thought it was pretty exciting stuff back in '74 or whatever.

 19. If a movie were made based off of your life who would play you, what  genre would the movie be, and who would illustrate the comic adaptation of  that movie?

I'd be played by Barbara Stanwyck opposite Alan Ladd, in a 1941 romantic comedy. The director would be either Preston Sturges or Billy Wilder, and gowns would be provided by Edith Head. The comic adaptation would appear as a Dell "Four Color" comic, by an uncredited and underpaid artist who has a lot of promise, but is tragically killed in the Battle of the Bulge.

 20. If you could have any super powers what would you pick?

The power to mete out harsh justice to drivers who think turn signals are optional. I would technically be a super-villain, as I would abuse my power horrendously.

 21. If you had to make a comic book off the life of anyone baseball player  which one would you choose?

Satchel Paige. He was an amazing player, his life was obviously full of obstacles, and there are enough holes in his known history to allow for artistic license in a fictional biography. I would have to mature a bit more as an artist before tackling such a project, though.

 22. Which 80's cartoon would make a better live action movie; "The Smurfs"  or "The Care Bears"?

I think The Smurfs would be a good action picture with explosions and stuff. I'm not really sure of the plots of either cartoon, though, as I was in High School by that time and had learned the attractions of sleeping in on Saturday morning. So maybe the Care Bears could kick some ass.

 23. What is the coolest food to draw a character eating? Is that food more  fun to draw or to eat?

A big ol' sammich. One you have to dislocate your jaw in order to get a good bite out of. Is it more fun to eat or to draw? Depends on the sammich.

 24. If NASA were going to send a pod into space hoping for it to be found by  aliens and asked you to put one song into that pod what song would you pick?

I'm thinking Johnny Cash… "Ring of Fire." It's catchy, and deals with themes of Love and Torment. I figure the aliens we eventually came into contact with would be broody hipsters in motorcycle boots with grease in their hair and a pack of smokes rolled up in the sleeves of their black t-shirts.

 25. What comic book artist would you say have and have not influenced you  work?

I've been influenced by Los Bros Hernandez, Milton Caniff, Seth, Will Eisner, Rumiko Takahashi, Darwyn Cooke, Hugo Pratt, Harvey Kurtzman, Alex Toth, Hayao Miyazaki, Dan Clowes, Richard Sala, Wendy Pini, Jordi Bernet, Ai Yazawa, Wally Wood, Jack Kirby, Jack Davis, Milo Manara, Dan DeCarlo, Ric Estrada, Miwa Ueda, Johnny Craig, and Don Rosa, among others too numerous to mention.

For artists that I don't feel have been a direct influence on my work, I'll confine myself to creators whose work I deeply admire. I may indeed be influenced by many of them in ways I'm not even aware of! Bill Ward, Steve Weissman, Curt Swan, Dave Cooper, Katsuhiro Otomo, Chris Ware, Al Feldstein, Carmine Infantino, Lark Pien, and Frank Miller are the names that come readily to mind.

 26. If you were marooned on a desert island with only two comics one that  you created and one created by anybody else which ones would you want?

Small Favors #8 and a mint copy of the original Marvel Tryout Book-the one with John Romita, Sr. art. Of course, I'd need a drawing table, pencil, T-square, ruler, pen, brush, and bottle of ink, too. That'd keep me busy until rescue arrived, or I died of starvation. Either way.

 27. What are the chances that I can talk you into mailing me free stuff so  as to bribe me into writing a better interview for you?:)

Dude, you gotta stop writing such good interviews if you want to use that as leverage.

 28. Finally as an Artist how do you feel that your life and your work have  been shaped by the events that took place in Roswell New Mexico in July of  1947?

I have received several pleasurable hours watching "The X-Files."

   After class we split up in the halls and I feel a sharp hand fall on my shoulder. Brandy spins me around and says "What the hell was all that about?!"

   "All what?"

   "I saw you hanging out with that girl at lunch, and then you passing notes to her in Ms. Day's class. I don't even think you saw me in there. As your girlfriend I think I'm owed an explanation."

   "Oh her, she's a comic artist that I was interviewing."

   "Come on Greg. If you're going to lie to me you can at least make up something that doesn't insult my intelligence."

   Before I can say anything else Colleen pops around the corner. "Actually he's not lying here…" In her hand is a copy of the trade paper back for Small Favors. Brandy takes it and looks at it for a moment. "Now flip it over" says Colleen. Brandy does and sees the artist photo on the back. She looks up and Colleen and down at the photo back and forth for a few moments. "Notice a resemblance?" Colleen smiles.

   The next few minutes are taken up with Colleen and Brandy talking girl talk. After Colleen signs the book and takes off Brandy smiles at me. "Okay I owe you an apology. I'll give it to you after school at our favorite place." She gives me a kiss and starts walking off. Pausing she says "Oh yeah I almost forgot. Go take a look in your locker, and check inside any books in there. See ya later hon."

   I go to my locker and inside's a copy of "The Thief Of Always" by Clive Barker. Stuck in as a bookmark is an envelope that says "To Greg, from Self". I tear it open and begin reading.

Dear Greg

   Right now you're probably confused as fuck. Don't worry that won't change much over the next few years, but you'll at least get better at handling it. For right now there's some important stuff you need to know. First off Take Agent Oranges offer for work. It may take longer or shorter than you'd expect, but your chance to break free will come and if you refuse you'll never get another offer and you'll spend the rest of your life in that room. Secondly make sure you help the Greenly sisters at your earliest opportunity, but don't be too trusting of them unless you're talking to more than one at a time. If you're talking to all three of them they won't be able to lie to you. Thirdly it's of vital importance that you establish contact with Artemis Johansson immediately. Finally don't bother looking over your shoulder anymore, from now on the greatest danger to you will always be in front of you.

Now if you don't mind I'd like my body back.

Greg

   Suddenly I feel myself getting woozy and I pass out.

   Some point later back inside the sealed room

   I wake up on the cot and Agent Orange is seated in a chair by the book shelf. In his hand is a copy of the "My Faith In Frankie" trade paperback by Mike Carey. He finishes reading it as I light up a cigarette. Smiling he puts it down and lights up his own. "Very nice job Mr. Basore, you knew your target on sight, and asked all the right questions without needing to be prompted. So now that you've done an assignment for us where you knew what was going on, how do you feel about the offer?"

   "I've got two questions that I'll require an answer to before I consider."

   "Ask away Mr. Basore."

   "First off, you said something about expecting me to try and escape your control. Am I to believe that you're really comfortable with the idea of having me working for you if I'm going to try and sabotage your ultimate goals?"

   "You can believe whatever you like Mr. Basore. The fact remains that while working for us you will stand a chance of gradually coming to accept your place and enjoy it, which means that you'll be doing better on your assignments because you'll truly enjoy your work. Failing that you will continue to try and break free from our grasp. As I've said that is impossible, which you will ultimately discover. This to will result in superior performance, because you'll want us to believe that you're playing ball or you'll be too afraid of the consequences. Either way you can accept our offer and benefit us and yourself, or refuse and rot in here for the rest of your life."

   "Very well then, in order for me to say yes there's only one demand that you must be able to meet."

   "I thought you said there'd be two questions Mr. Basore."

   "I did and there will. Those two questions will determine whether or not I consider the offer at all, but the one demand will determine whether or not I'll say yes."

   "Then let's hear that last question and after I answer that we'll discuss the demand."

   "No can do. Trust me when I say that it needs to be in this order." Agent O nods and motions me to go on. "If I'm to continue working for you I must have a guarantee that you will assure me access to each and every person you need me to question. That access must be provided each and every time you want me to question a specific person. For example if you ever want me to talk to David Hahn on your behalf again you'll have to make sure you can get me in to see him. If you ever want me to talk to a person I haven't met before you've got to be certain that you can get me a meeting with that person. I refuse to ever get hung out to dry for someone else's fuck ups again."

   Agent Orange lights up another cigarette. "Well Mr. Basore that's a bit tricky. As I've told you before, our organization prefers self reliant employees. I will however off this compromise, If you are unable to secure an interrogation yourself, I will do everything in my power to get you a face to face contact with any given target. If anything goes wrong that can not solely be attributed to you, then I will take the blame. I give you my solemn word on that. Now let's get to your final question."

   "And what an excellent way to segue into it, if I'm going to take your word on something I'll need to know your name. Your real name that is."

   He smiles at me. "I sort of saw this one coming, and I think you'll find it amusing. My name is Oliver Range."

   Despite the weird situation, or maybe because I already started laughing my ass off, After I got the giggles in control I extended my hand and said, "Oliver I think I'll like working with you."
 
"From now on you can call me Greg if you like."